I have been depressed, in what feels like, forever. My life has been spent watching a carousel of life spin so fast I can’t get on. The depression got to a point where I started walking away from the lights, the noise, and everything. I was heading towards death, which looked more appealing than the life of the carousel. The thought of trying to jump on and fix each problem (the horses) was too overwhelming to consider.
May 2015 was my darkest, I was helping my Sister move house and I had a mental break down. My Mum was there to help me and made me see a doctor. My depression is chemical. I tried to find reasons to explain why I felt the way I did, but the truth was I had nothing wrong, I had a good home, a family, friends, a job, and a Boyfriend. I felt guilty that I had so much, but still felt so low, no “real” problems. The doctor gave me fluoxetine and here I am January 2017 writing my first blog.
SO! You’re probably wondering what this blog is all about, other than telling you about my life, and my weird way of looking at depression. I use the carousel as a visual and the horses relate to one aspect of my life. For example health, family, friends, or even small things such as apperance. The thought of taking my medicine every day for the rest of my life brings me down too… it tastes bloody disgusting! I want to find a way for inner happiness and maybe one day compleatly stop taking it.
Now that I am taking the medication, I can see the carousel slowing down and I jump on. It’s got me this far and now I need to find what really makes me happy. The only way i can do this is by approching each horse (problem) one at a time and finding out if that thing in my life can improve. I don’t want to do what most do in a new year and try and change everything at once I want to do it one by one. There are 52 weeks in a year so I could tackle and tame 52 of my horses.
let’s get going!