I have been depressed, in what feels like, forever. My life has been spent watching a carousel of life spin so fast I can’t get on. The depression got to a point where I started walking away from the lights, the noise, and everything. I was heading towards death, which looked more appealing than the life of the carousel. The thought of trying to jump on and fix each problem (the horses) was too overwhelming to consider.
May 2015 was my darkest, I was helping my Sister move house and I had a mental break down. My Mum was there to help me and made me see a doctor. My depression is chemical. I tried to find reasons to explain why I felt the way I did, but the truth was I had nothing wrong, I had a good home, a family, friends, a job, and a Boyfriend. I felt guilty that I had so much, but still felt so low, no “real” problems. The doctor gave me fluoxetine and here I am January 2017 writing my first blog.
SO! You’re probably wondering what this blog is all about, other than telling you about my life, and my weird way of looking at depression. I use the carousel as a visual and the horses relate to one aspect of my life. For example health, family, friends, or even small things such as apperance. The thought of taking my medicine every day for the rest of my life brings me down too… it tastes bloody disgusting! I want to find a way for inner happiness and maybe one day compleatly stop taking it.
Now that I am taking the medication, I can see the carousel slowing down and I jump on. It’s got me this far and now I need to find what really makes me happy. The only way i can do this is by approching each horse (problem) one at a time and finding out if that thing in my life can improve. I don’t want to do what most do in a new year and try and change everything at once I want to do it one by one. There are 52 weeks in a year so I could tackle and tame 52 of my horses.
let’s get going!
My whole adult life people are always saying I look so much younger than my age. I have always thought why is it I get id’d all the time? Should I take this as a complement? I use to complain about wanting to look older but now I am getting older, I’m learning to embrace it while I can! I feel one day i’ll look in the mirror and to my horror I have aged!
I have a few theories as to why I look the way I do. Firstly I think it’s down to genetics. I was born with the roundest face in the world, taking after my mum AND dad, both sporting the roundness. It gives me the baby face look. Sweet chubby cheeks that you just want to squeeze and coo over (this has never happened in my adult life.. so far. Haha). Secondly being fat has helped in a way. I have often joked about how my wrinkles are “plumped” out. Thirdly I take care of my skin. I have always moisturise and drunk plenty of water to help keep hydrated.
Now that I am almost 30 I want to take it one step further. I need to up my skin care routine. I have started using a new gentle calm cleanser from Arbonne, as I have sensitive skin, I’m one massive red blotchy faced girl, stepping out the shower. I use a facial brush I bought from Primark for £1. I use it in circular movements to help lift dirt and increase circulation to renew the skin cells. After the cleanse I use a calm facial oil from Arbonne to sooth my sensitive skin. The new products I have been using to help fight ageing is The Body Shop’s drops of youth range. The products include, drops of youth concentrate eye and face serum and sleeping bouncy sleeping mask. Only time will tell how much these products have improved my skin. Maybe 10 years time when I’m heading for 40 I can be please that I only look 30 haha!
Thank you for reading this, I will upload a video on sleep and skin care on my youtube channel soon. xx
We all need it, we all love it, but are we getting enough? I’m definitely not! Yes, that’s right, i’m talking about sleep. The recommended amount of sleep is at least 8 hours, so that’s my aim. I’am the typical modern day person who said they were going to sleep but really just scroll through the internet, in bed, for an hour. Then I wake up in the morning and wonder why I’m still so tired, after all I was “in bed” by 10? A way to help feel better about myself is to treat my body and mind better, put them first. So that’s what I aimed to do this week. Now, don’t get me wrong, it has been a bit difficult, so I can’t quite comment if it has helped, or not, at this stage, but I’m confident I’m making a change for the better. Life can get in the way but as long as I try then it will always be more than I did.
This is how I tried to get a full 8 hours. I set my silent alarm (Fitbit) for 6am so ideally I need to be asleep by 10pm. Once I have showered and sorted bits for the next day, I’m in the sheets at 9pm! I have set my Fitbit flex 2 to remind me when to wind down and get ready for bed. Part of getting ready for bed is to spray Deep sleep pillow spray by thisworks.com, this stuff smells amazing and I think it’s one of the best out there. Simply spray your pillows and relax. I have been a huge fan of this brand ever since I tried a free sample at the Crown Plaza hotel years ago. Once in bed I set my lumie alarm clock to 6am. The Lumie alarm clock works by mimicking the sunrise with light. It’ll start to gradually get brighter over half hour and once it has reached it’s full brightness at 6am will stay bright for the next half hour helping you to wake naturally as possible. I recommend this, if like me, you too have early starts, and living in the uk during the winter. sunrise doesn’t appear until after 7am.
The next step I have begun to take is the endless scrolling of the internet before bed. Bed is a place where you want to relax and switch off from the world. If like me, you end up taking the world to bed with you. I had to almost put a curfew on my phone habits. By 9.15pm the phone is put down. I only had 15 minutes to catch the latest news article or funny meme before sleep. The next 15 minutes I usually spend overthinking life and worrying about every little thing ever, as after all I do suffer with anxiety. Then suddenly my Fitbit silent vibrating alarm is going off, the room is bright with fake daylight and I’m waking up. I always go straight into my phone to check how I slept using the Fitbit app. I usually lay there for a bit resting before actually getting out of bed. This week has had it’s ups and downs as I said life can get in the way sometimes so it won’t always be spot on, as you can see in a picture of my week so far, but the aim is there and it will take time to get into a complete routine to help myself
This week I wanted to take on my first life changing task. I have been walking at least 10000 steps everyday. for Christmas I got a fitbit flex 2, I would say it was my favourite gift! The fitbit is easy to use and set up by using the app. The thought of walking 10k steps a day was quite daunting, but found after a few hours at work I had already reached 4k. So I set my self small goals making sure I walked at least 3500 before tea break and 5k by lunch. I took every chance to get moving, sometimes walking the long way back to my lab. I would say it was exciting to meet the target. The flex app would show you how many minutes active and calories burnt.
After work, when I get home, I walk my dogs. I am lucky to live with them as they are the family pets, or as I say, just part of the family. We live near a wood and dog walking park so it’s ideal. They bring me so much joy knowing they are benefiting from our walks. Only annoying part? The mud! Both dogs are Labradoodles, Josie ,3 (the white one) and Zola, 5 (the grey one). After walking 10k everyday I can honestly say I feel better for it. What seemed like a daunting task soon turned into an enjoyable one. I felt a great sense of achievement and look forward to keeping it up. Don’t get wrong, there will be days where it will be hard to reach 10k but as long as I try, it’ll always be more than I did.
Now that I have achieved this one task I feel ready to take on a new one. I believe that changing one thing can have knock on effects. feel good do good etc. If you want to make the same change I recommend a fitbit or other fitness device. Even a simple pedometer will do. If the thought of 10k steps is still an overwhelming one don’t stress! small steps is all it takes even if you just set yourself to walking at least 2000 steps and work your way up. Every small change will become a big change. Because it’ll always be more than you did.
I hope this blog post is useful and can inspire you to make a change for the better what ever that may be, only you can make you happy. My next goal is to tackle my sleep pattern, also using the fitbit, as it tracks sleep. I’ll post a blog next week on how I get on. Thank you for reading this 🙂